Question: I am new to Orthodoxy and a catechumen at the moment. Since starting that over a year ago I’ve faced many challenges. A month ago, my husband told me that he will leave me and the children. I am devastated not only by the loss but because of eternal life. I prayed so much for him, us, but his decision is clear. Can this separation be a godly intervention or is it the enemy? What if I want to marry again because marriage is the center of my life?
Answer from Fr Oleg Kovalenko: May God bless you! Thank you for your vulnerable and heartfelt question. Your pain is deeply understood, and your faithfulness amid such trials is a testament to your love for Christ and your family.
God’s design for marriage is a sacred, lifelong covenant – especially when blessed in the Church. Spouses are called to labor together in faith, love, and mutual sacrifice for the salvation of each other and their children. As our Lord teaches in Scripture: "A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh» in Genesis, and "What God has joined together, let no man separate" in Matthew.
When both spouses strive to live the Gospel – rooted in prayer, repentance, humility, and forgiveness – God’s grace fortifies the marriage against the assaults of the evil one. Even in hardships permitted by God, such trials can deepen faith and refine love if met with trust in Him.
Yet when one or both spouses neglect their spiritual life, succumb to unrepentant sin, or reject the call to sacrificial love, the marriage becomes vulnerable. The evil one exploits these fractures, sowing discord, resentment, and hardness of heart. In such cases, the faithful spouse often bears a heavy cross – praying fervently for reconciliation, even when the other turns away. Your perseverance in prayer for your husband reflects holy courage.
Let me share a true story. A successful businessman, a talented designer and head of a design company, had been married for over 20 years. For nearly as long, he and his wife attended church, participated in services, and received the sacraments. Let’s call him Alexei. His wife was the first woman in his life, and she became his spouse, bearing him a son. When their son was already in university, his wife was at home while Alexei battled work pressures. Alexei was going through a difficult time both professionally and personally. He rarely went to church and had not confessed or taken Communion for a long time. He had just turned 50. One day, noticing in the mirror that his body was completely out of shape, Alexei decided to join a gym, hoping exercise would help him regain his form and distract him from his troubles. His trainer was a woman who, as it turned out, was recently divorced. Often after workouts, Alexei began inviting her for coffee. Their interactions deepened daily until a terrible spiritual disaster and fall occurred: Alexei committed adultery. Though he felt wretched, he lacked the strength to end the affair. The woman grew increasingly insistent, urging him to divorce his wife, divide their assets, and build a new life with her. Soon, Alexei began listening to his lover’s counsel. His wife learned directly from him about the affair and his desire to end their marriage. One might expect Alexei’s wife to react with deep offense, hatred, or vengeance. Her state was indeed extremely grave – and it was then that I first learned of this family’s crisis. But instead, she visited every church in the city, begging priests and fellow believers to pray for her husband Alexei, their family, and their situation. Without delving into details, by God’s miracle Alexei rejected the destruction of his family. He discovered the trainer’s sordid calculation (through leaked messages between her and a friend), repentance came to him, and he begged his wife’s forgiveness. She forgave him in that moment, and Alexei remained with his family. Only later did crushing resentment overwhelm his wife – a pain she struggled intensely to overcome, though she fought persistently and courageously. She even sought therapy from a renowned specialist abroad to heal. Today, Alexei is grateful his family was preserved. His wife later decided to earn a psychology degree to help women in similar crises. Their son is successfully finishing his final year at university, though it must be said the ordeal left a deep mark on him. The Lord is merciful! He desires the salvation of every soul!
Your devastation is profoundly human and holy. God sees your grief, your love for your children, and your yearning for salvation – both yours and your husband’s. While divorce is a tragedy and never God’s original will, He does not abandon you in its wake. The Church, in her maternal compassion, acknowledges that human weakness and sin may fracture what God intended to be unbreakable.
You mention marriage as central to your life – a holy desire. Should your current marriage end irrevocably, the Church may grant a blessing for a second marriage through oikonomia (economy), recognizing human brokenness and Christ’s redeeming grace. This is never automatic but discerned prayerfully with your spiritual father and bishop, considering your unique circumstances, repentance, and commitment to live anew in Christ.
Dear Maren, entrust your heart to Christ: He is near to the brokenhearted. Your baptismal grace remains intact; this trial does not define your worth or eternal hope. Do seek sacramental guidance: regular confession and Holy Communion are vital. Speak openly with your priest and spiritual father. Guard your spirit: in grief, cling to prayer, the Gospels, and the lives of saints who endured abandonment (e.g., St. Xenia of Petersburg). Serve your children: your motherhood is a holy vocation. God will honor your faithfulness to them.
This separation is not God’s desire – yet neither is it beyond His redemption. Whether through your husband’s repentance or God’s unfolding plan for your healing, hold fast to this truth: you are seen, loved, and never alone. Christ walks with you.
With love in God,
Fr Oleg
