I
When the soul abides in the love of God — oh, how good all things are then! How full of mercy and joy! But even with the love of God, there are sorrows — and the greater the love, the greater the sorrow.
The Mother of God never sinned, not even in a single thought, and never lost grace; yet even She endured great afflictions. And when She stood by the Cross, Her sorrow was boundless as an ocean, and the agony of Her soul was incomparably greater than Adam’s torment after his expulsion from Paradise — for Her love, too, was beyond all measure, greater than Adam’s love in Eden. And if She remained alive, it was solely because the Lord’s strength sustained Her; for the Lord willed that She behold His Resurrection, and after His Ascension remain on earth as comfort and joy to the Apostles and the newly formed Christian people.
We do not attain the fullness of the Mother of God’s love, and thus cannot fully comprehend Her sorrow. Her love was perfect: She loved God and Her Son immeasurably, yet She also loved the people with great love. And what did She endure when those very people whom She loved so deeply — and for whom She desired salvation to the end — crucified Her beloved Son?
We cannot grasp this, for we have meagre love for God and for mankind.
As the Mother of God’s love is boundless and unfathomable, so too Her sorrow is boundless and unfathomable to us.
II
O Most Pure Virgin Theotokos, tell us, Your children:
How did You love Your Son and God while dwelling on earth?
How did Your spirit rejoice in God Your Saviour?
How did You gaze upon His radiant countenance,
knowing this is He whom all the heavenly hosts serve
with awe and love.
Tell us, what did Your soul feel
when You held the wondrous Child in Your arms?
How did You nurture Him?
How did Your soul ache when, with Joseph,
You sought Him three days in Jerusalem?
What agonies did You endure
when the Lord was delivered up to be crucified
and suffered death upon the Cross?
Tell us, what joy was Yours at the Resurrection,
and how Your soul longed for the Lord after His Ascension?
Our souls yearn to know of Your earthly life with the Lord,
yet You did not wish to set this down in writing,
but cloaked Your mystery in silence.
III
I have beheld many wonders and mercies from the Lord and the Mother of God, yet I can render nothing for such love.
What shall I offer to the Most Pure Sovereign Lady for not disdaining me in my sin, but in mercy visiting and instructing me? Though I have not seen Her, the Holy Spirit granted me to know Her through words overflowing with grace. My spirit rejoices, and my soul is drawn to Her in love, so that even the mere invocation of Her name gladdens my heart.
When I was a young novice, I once prayed before an icon of the Mother of God, and the Jesus Prayer entered my heart, beginning of itself to pray within me.
Another time in church, as I heard the reading of Isaiah’s prophecies — and at the words, “Wash yourselves, and you shall be clean” (Isa. 1:16) — I wondered: “Might the Mother of God have sinned at least in thought?”
Then wondrously, within my heart, a voice spoke clearly amid my prayer:
“The Mother of God never sinned, even in thought.”
Thus did the Holy Spirit bear witness in my heart to Her purity.
Yet during Her earthly life, She too knew a certain incompleteness — blameless infirmities of our human nature. This is shown in the Gospel when, returning from Jerusalem, She did not know where Her Son was, and with Joseph sought Him for three days (Luke 2:44–46).
IV
My soul trembles in fear and awe when I ponder the glory of the Mother of God.
Small is my mind, and poor and weak my heart — yet my soul rejoices and is drawn to write of Her, if only a few words.
My soul fears to touch upon this mystery, but love compels me not to conceal gratitude for Her mercy.
The Mother of God committed to writing neither Her thoughts, nor Her love for God and Her Son, nor the sufferings of Her soul at the Crucifixion — for we could not comprehend them regardless, since Her love for God is stronger and more fervent than the love of the Seraphim and Cherubim, and all the heavenly hosts of angels and archangels marvel at Her.
And though the life of the Mother of God is shrouded in holy silence, the Lord has made known to our Orthodox Church that by Her love She embraces the whole world: in the Holy Spirit She sees all nations upon earth, and, like unto Her Son, She pities and has mercy upon all.
Oh, that we might know how the Most Pure One loves all who keep Christ’s commandments, and how She pities and sorrows for those who do not repent! I have experienced this myself. I lie not — I speak before the face of God, whom my soul knows: in spirit I know the Most Pure Virgin. I have not seen Her, but the Holy Spirit granted me to know Her and Her love for us. Were it not for Her mercy, I would have perished long ago; but She willed to visit and instruct me, that I might not sin. She said to me:
“It is not good for Me to gaze upon you in what you are doing.”
Her words were gentle, quiet, and meek — yet they pierce the soul. Though more than forty years have passed, my soul cannot forget these sweet words. I know not, sinful as I am, what I shall render for such love toward me, the impure, nor how I shall thank the good and merciful Mother of the Lord.
Truly She is our Intercessor before God, and Her name alone gladdens the soul. Yet all heaven and earth rejoice in Her love.
A wondrous and unfathomable mystery! She dwells in heaven and ceaselessly beholds the glory of God — yet does not forget us poor and lowly, covering all the earth and all nations with Her mercy.
And this Most Pure Mother the Lord has bestowed upon us.
She is our joy and hope.
She is our Mother in spirit,
and near to us by nature, being human;
and every Christian soul is drawn to Her in love.
Glory to God for all things!
From the Writings of St Silouan as recorded by St Sophrony (Sakharov)
