Question: I always have a fight between my heart and mind, typically when wanting to have the Eucharist (Communion). My heart really yearns for taking the Communion during liturgy but my mind always tells me that I don’t deserve it because of my sins. When I do confessions, sometimes my mind is telling me I’m still not forgiven and I tend to fall to the same sin again. Can I take communion if my heart yearns for it even my mind doesn’t want me to?
Answer:
Our minds often wander and try to lead us away from God. It's like someone who confesses their sins and seems to repent in the evening, but then rushes back saying, "I've remembered something else," and even after confessing, they say, "Wait, Father, there's more." This can go on for a lifetime. Such scrupulousness is a trap. There are different extremes, and the enemy, seeing our tendencies toward such scrupulousness, convinces us that we are unworthy. Some people live for years with grave sins they are too ashamed to confess. Imagine the trap: they take communion regularly and seem to confess but never fully reveal their sins.
Recently, I encountered an elderly churchgoer who had difficulty attending services due to her age. I've known her for a long time. She suddenly began revealing things she had never mentioned before. After she confessed, she visibly changed, feeling much lighter. Imagine, she had been attending church and taking communion for years while harbouring this sin out of foolish shame. But God guided her to confess it eventually - praise be to God! Otherwise, she might have ended up in hell despite her constant presence in church and service to it.
