The question: Your blessing. I am a catechumen, hoping to be baptized soon, Lord willing. Ever since I became a catechumen and learned about monasticism, which was almost a year ago, I have had a desire to enter into monastic life. It truly seems to be the only way of life that makes sense, to the point I think of being utterly dissatisfied with living in the world, perhaps beyond the Orthodox norm; My job, driving, meaningless conversations, noisy neighbors, etc. While I understand God has me precisely where He wants me, and that it is not the place who sanctifies the man but the man who sanctifies the place, it seems as though as time passes, I feel more and more ashamed of not living in a monastery and thus living "up to my full potential" and or according to the books I read. The holy books I read are those of monks, in which everything they teach resonates so regularly with me. I aspire to not just learn this way of life from holy men and women, but to follow in their footsteps (to an extent), but feel limited in doing so as a layman. It seems these two realities don't mix well, and, truthfully, it hurts. It feels at times being weighed down to a level of indifference to occurrences around me. I have been consoled not to think of monastic life in a way of fantasy and be delusional about such. Indeed I try not to, but as one who has lived such a worldly, sinful life, it seems there is a mystical aspect of such a way of life. My question is, simply, may you help me sort out these thoughts to prohibit any potential further self-harm spiritually?
The answer from Fr. Oleg Kovalenko:
May God’s blessing be upon you!
Thank you for your sincere letter and for the trust with which you have shared your concerns. Your desire for God and your longing to dedicate your life to Him are deeply moving. Indeed, life on Earth is not merely about where we dwell, but above all, it is about the state of our heart. Perhaps right now, it seems to you that worldly life is hindering your spiritual growth, but it may also be that, through these very circumstances, the Lord is teaching you patience, humility, and inner spiritual work.
Monasticism is truly a path of salvation! Among the holy fathers and mothers of the Church, we find many examples of those who, even from a young age, were enkindled with love for the Lord. The paths of the saints unfolded in different ways - some were granted by God the duty of caring for their elderly parents before entering monastic life. Others, in their youth, were blessed with the guidance of experienced spiritual mentors and swiftly ascended the spiritual ladder. Saint Paisius Velichkovsky, even at a time when many monastic communities surrounded him, had to visit numerous monasteries before he found the spiritual guidance he sought. God leads the soul of every Christian, regardless of their external circumstances. He helps those who have the desire and make even a small effort to resist sin. "No work prevents one from remembering God," says St. Silouan the Athonite. It aligns with the broader tradition of the Church. The Apostle Paul exhorts us to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17), and many saints have confirmed that one can cultivate remembrance of God even while engaged in work, family life, or other worldly responsibilities. The key lies in inner prayer, humility, and maintaining a heart oriented toward God.
Life in the world today is drastically different from what we read about in the writings of the holy fathers. It is difficult to live outside the Church, to be apart from a Christian community. The pressures of the world, passions, temptations, and distractions can weigh heavily on the soul. Yet we believe that a soul that places its trust in God and strives to live according to the Gospel will stand firm and not fall away - just like the Forty Martyrs of Sebaste, who stood in the freezing lake, tempted by the warmth of the bathhouse and the false promise of saving their bodies but not their souls. The Lord grants us all the necessary means and tools - through the Holy Sacraments, divine services, Holy Scripture, works of mercy, fasting, and prayer.
God does not place upon a person burdens that are too heavy to bear but instead leads them gradually, purifying their heart and preparing them for the next step. Obedience and trust in God’s providence begin in the world itself. Be mindful that the temptation to reject worldly life entirely and see it only as a source of suffering and vanity may sometimes stem from hidden pride and impatience. The world around us is a field for practicing humility and patience. Even in everyday tasks, one can serve God by sanctifying life through prayer and gratitude.
There was once a brother, a father of two children, to whom a priest said during confession that he should become a priest. The brother resisted, citing his sinful life before marriage. The priest, however, reminded him that a righteous life - built on repentance, prayer, and struggle against passions - leads to the restoration of purity. The writings of the saints confirm this: St. John Chrysostom, St. John Climacus, St. Ephraim the Syrian, St. Abba Dorotheos, and St. Silouan the Athonite all teach that God not only forgives sins but also bestows virtues - the precious oil that will keep the lamps from going out on the Day of Judgment.
May the Lord bless you and strengthen you to walk the path of a Christian, to believe in Him, and to trust in His divine providence!
